tumnus leaving....

Sometimes it's wrong to walk away, though you think it's over
Knowing there's so much more to say
Suddenly the moment's gone
And all your dreams are upside down
And you just wanna change the way the world goes round

I don't know where to start but looks like we have to let Kaydyn goes back to China with his granny...

The thought of seeing him go really hurts me. He's still at home at the moment, already I couldn't speak without tearing up. I don't know how I'll be the day we head to the airport...

The situation we are in now isn't ideal for Kaydyn. During the day we both need to work, right now his granny is looking after him. Though the flat in HK is way too small and to be honest, the environment isn't great for him either. Granny wishes to go back to China with Kaydyn, where there's fresh air, space, a huge flat. The only downside is we'll have to say goodbye to him. I can't help breaking up thinking about it....I don't wanna be apart from my son...he was in me for that 9 months time and now he's 3 months old...

The only thing that keeps me going is the thought of hoping life will be better in the next 5 years time (preferably sooner) so that Kaydyn can come back to us once again...

Yesterday in the shower, I was thinking how much I remember when I was 1 or 2. I could recall nothing apart from the pics I saw...Hence actually it is a good time for him to go to China with granny, if he has to go at all...


Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin down the road you should be taking
I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go

Kaydyn: I hope you won't blame mom and dad for having to make this decision. Hope the place in China will do you good. Granny has lots of places to take you to, fresh air, mountains, nice environment. Let mom and dad work in HK and hopefully we'll have more resources for when you come back to us.

Remember mom doesn't want to let you go. It hurts me even thinking about it. Mom is tearing up in the middle of the office writing this to you. I hope you'll understand that it is inevitable for this to happen. Granny is getting older everyday, it's really tiring for her to look after you during the day by herself alone. Though granny has a big flat in China and she can ask for help if she wanted to there...

Whereas in HK our flat, right now, isn't big enough to hold all of us in. Not to mention the environment is not ideal for you either. With granny wanting to take you back and all the benefits that come along, we don't have a choice but to give it a thought. It proves that it's heartbreaking to have to let you go...I'll miss you sleeping next to me head to head...and how your spat our your dummy in the middle of the night and all the time you wouldn't settle when mom and dad are so tired...
I'll miss those times when I try to get you to sleep, you like it when mommy puts her head close to yours :) and how you like to 'speak' to mommy after you had your milk and oh after we wipe your bum bum ;)

Mom hopes that you won't be angry with me for deciding this. It's under situation that we cannot control, we'll be trying as hard as we can, so that you can come back to us as quick as possible. At the mean time, you'll be with granny who also loves you alot. She'll be taking you to mountains and meeting your other grands and uncles and aunties. It's a big family waiting for you there...

You'll probably ask why can't mom and dad keep you in HK and find a maid to help granny here. The reason is maid in HK speaks English whereas granny doesn't. And the thought of letting a maid to look after you whilst mom and dad go to work. This is unacceptable because we don't trust outsider to look after you. So it has to be your granny

Love you baby....

Back!

Hi I am back! Home is home, still feel like it's more homey to keep my blog which I set up for when I was having Kaydyn.

Now I am going to keep going, so that Kaydyn will have a lot to read when he gets older :)